I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
