I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
