He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
