haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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