my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i came on her dog
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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