weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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