bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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