Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
