i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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