She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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