even my farts smell like vagina
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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