Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
