The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
