If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
