I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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