found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
