somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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