dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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