If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
it's great music for shaving your balls
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
