You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
