You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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