She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
