peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize