my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
