Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
