He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
