so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Your penis caused this!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
