whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
