Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
