There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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