I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
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