I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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