and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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