I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
