he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
