$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he thought i was a dude.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
