The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
PANTIES FOUND
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
