I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
