I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
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Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
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How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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