It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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