You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
