I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
