He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
