she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
