Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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