community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
