She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
