Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
