we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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