Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
