I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
