If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just tell him i said nine months
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
