When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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