i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
