Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
