i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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