She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
