i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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