I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
