i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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