I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
