I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
