actually, I'm a sock model
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
