Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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