You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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