You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
