I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
