I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize