Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Randomize
