nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
