you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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