I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
