The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
